Ennui
It can be a difficult word. No, really. You know hard it
can be to work out how to spell it? It sounds like it starts with an “o”…at
least to me. I spent far too long trying to figure out how to spell it. First, I
didn't have the right first letter, making the search frustrating. Then...How the hell do you explain
ennui if you want to look it up?
It’s a “je ne se quoi” of words, so to speak. So, thank you
voice recognition tech. And thank you people that put it on phones. And screw
you to the people who “improved” the voice recognition tech when I tried to
relook up the word as I started to write this. You, the last set, gave me a
headache.
So, what about ennui? I often feel like I slide into a state
of ennui. I have good times…or times. Then you slide into the funk, and you are
useless to everyone around you. You're aware you aren't functioning, but disconnected
from it all.
But before going on, maybe it’s worth being sure we know
what we are talking about. Ennui is defined as a feeling of deep weariness and
discontent resulting from having your desires satisfied or from lack of
interest, or being bored…What? Wait am I subconsciously mocking myself?
…Most
likely.
Still, it also seems valid. Not along the lines of having
all my desires fulfilled. Rather, it’s the disinterest side.
I am disconnected. I always feel some distance or barrier
with everyone and everything around me. I have to work at engaging. Though,
thanks to my time online, I've seen enough to assume that the last part is more
a matter of being an introvert, and not an extrovert.
But the disconnect. The disconnect lends to a weariness. Pessimism builds up
and just shuts me down. Apathy grows. Hope dwindles. And I just stop caring. It's just...ennui. It makes me a pain for those close to be around. But their aren't that many around.
Yet the modern world does offer alternatives. It is a wonderful result of this age. While some complain
people are more disconnected than ever in history, humans are able to connect
in so many new ways. And through these paths we all can connect more frequently with
far more people, in particular people more like ourselves (in interests,
experiences, etc.).
So, while one can become disconnected, and grow silent, you
can still have a community, you can listen to and learn from. You don’t have to
become utterly lost and adrift. And you can reach out when you are ready.
It’s a good thing. Comforting. Never should it be forgotten.
Also, something to never lose sight of when you are in the doldrums
is that you always have time to change things (Or, if your problems are a bit
too much for you on your own, never too late to seek help.). It’s not too late
to talk to someone, to make amends, to seek another career, or just be a better
person. We always have the initiative to do something. We can't let ourselves lose sight of this.
Sadly I never listen to me. I find me unbearable, even with
my sage wisdom.
Giving up on hope should be unacceptable. We are
aspirational being. Call it greed, ambition, hunger, or horniness, we live to
strive. We may find a need to retool our hopes and aspirations, but we need
those stars to help us move and navigate through our lives.
So it’s important to embrace them and see where they can
take us.
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